MUSIC: Country Music Ain't What It Used To Be

My friend, Ernest T Spoon, sent this to me. It's from discgolf.com. - OlderMusicGeek

In Iowa there are two types of AM radio. Republican Radio and Country Music (which is basically Republican radio).

While listening to a couple of those stupid country songs I got pissed. Today's country music is a big formula. They sing every song about, being a good daddy, going to church, they love freedom, they love the flag, they came home from the war with one leg but they still love their country, then some more church references and they finish it up with I love my wife blah, blah, blah.

This p***ed me off. When I was a kid and I heard country music I wanted to grow up and live one of those songs. The old songs used to be about drinkin' beer, drinkin' whiskey, you're wife left you because you were drinkin', you got into a fight at the bar because you were drinkin', you called you boss after a night of drinkin' and said "take this job and shove it." Country music used to be about being p***ed off and if they weren't p***ed off they would sing about banging their buddies wife.

Ol' Johnny Rocket was an impressionable kid. It sounded pretty cool to do a bunch of drinkin' then banging your buddies wife as long as she was worth it.

But NOOOOOO today's country is about being a big sappy boring loser.

Today's singers of these songs are down right stupid. One of the biggest southern drawl singers is from the South, South Australia that is. Keith Urban, there is no way his real last name is Urban. The song we heard was about how he was in love with his wife. Well big whoopty doo. You wouldn't have heard George Jones singing about that stuff. He was singing about Drinking White Lightnin', His biggest song was "He stopped lovin' her today." He stopped lovin' her because the Ol' Possum was out drinkin' and started eyeing up his buddies wife.

Even the chick singers used to sing about banging. Barbara Mandrell had a song called "Sleepin' single in a double bed." She was sleepin' single because her husband was probably out drinkin' and trying to bang his buddies wife.

Another guy who is real popular today is a five foot nothin' midget named Kenny Chesney. This guy sings about drinkin' which you think is cool but it's about sippin' Pina Coladas on the beach. Johnnny Cash never sipped a freakin' Pina Colada. When Merle Hagard was sittin' in prison he wasn't dreamin' about the beach, flip flops and pina coladas. They were all thinkin' about liquor, beer and what their buddies wife was doing.

Kenny Chesney is blind as a bat without his glasses. So what do they do for his publicity posters? They take his glasses off, he squints like he just smoked a monster bowl and his fans think, "Oooh that Kenny Chesney probable smokes a lot of weed when he's at the beach."

Willie Nelson never have to take his glasses off to look cooked. About ten years ago I heard Willie Nelson on Howard Stern. Willie who is about eighty years old beat Howard in a contest to see who could roll a joint faster.

Those old country guys were the real thing. Not the losers they got now singing like Leo Sayer with a southern accent.

If I want to feel all warm inside I don't listen to Country Music, I buy a pint of blackberry brandy.

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